“Do You Hear What I Hear?”
The weeks following the festive season are a busy time for many therapists but I imagine none more so than for
couple counsellors. For some couples money becomes an issue which is either pushed down & glossed over or is the cause of disagreements, frustration & tremendous stress. Opinions can easily become opposing camps and throw in extended family, time off together, fractious children & we haven’t even mentioned the turkey.
I became interested in working online when I realised how often couples (and individuals) struggled to attend regular appointments at the local voluntary agency. Shifts, long distance relationships and childcare issues simply couldn’t be accommodated and whilst clients with mobility issues could be somewhat circumvented often the facilities used were restricted by, for example opening times.
Some years ago I attended a CPD about online counselling and another attendee seemed really knowledgeable, and had the added benefit of being both an online counsellor, and supervisor as well. Several subsequent email conversations followed from one part of Scotland to another and I decided to take the plunge and sign up for General Certificate quickly followed by the Diploma in Online Counselling and then become a Tutor for OLT (Online Training for Counsellors).
Whilst money may be the issue that couples present with there are as many emerging issues as baubles on the Christmas tree. These could be feeling taken for granted, feeling ignored, sexual difficulties and infidelities. The skill for couple counsellors is around making a safe place so the clients feel able to discuss the deeper issues in the room and focus on the relationship, not who is to blame. This is no different for an online therapist. The difference for online work is that the couples are not often in the same location whilst the communications take place!
My online work is pretty evenly split between those who prefer counselling by therapeutic email & those who prefer to use Skype; video, voice or text. My clients are often unable to keep regular appointment times for reasons of work or home – or who just don’t like regular appointment times for any reason at all! The flexibility of working electronically can make the difference between pursuing counselling and doing without.
For many people, typing is harder and more time-consuming than speaking. There is a physical effort to write and some people find email communication encourages them to express themselves more clearly and to put greater effort into understanding the other person. There is an automatic transcript of all sessions and the opportunity to reflect on thoughts, feelings and other reactions to the other person’s words whilst writing and responding.
Counselling over Skype has the added of advantage of “seeing” & talking to your therapist in real time and your choice of counsellor is not limited by where you live. There is no need to travel to visit your therapist every week, with the extra time & cost. Some clients may feel more comfortable talking to counsellors who do not have any connections with their local area and who they are unlikely to bump into when shopping.
I’m also on the committee of ACTO (The Association for Counselling and Therapy Online) and act as website liaison. In addition to ensuring new members are supported my role includes liaising with website development to make sure content is fresh, relevant and up to date. ACTO is committed to setting and maintaining the highest standards of therapy in online work and is has an active membership and a yearly conference which benefits by being streamed by BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) so can be accessed wherever therapist happen to be on that day.
My way of working online has evolved over time and will continue to do so as technology improves. Research is showing this model of counselling works and an awareness of benefits has increased. ACTO and professional, trained practitioners have ensured ethical guidelines and good practice have become ever more embedded and user friendly. As a tutor for OLT our teaching has had to move to encompass the greater IT ability many of our students now have – whilst still being able to meet the needs of highly skilled counsellors for whom IT is regarded as the dark arts, but they are willing to embrace it.
As far as relationships are concerned it’s not too late to spend some time discussing attitudes to money or have a look at why it’s important to one person to have the right food, right presents & right clothes and the other doesn’t get it. Perhaps giving some time to online counselling will help to work it out. It doesn’t have to be “Fairytale of New York” each Christmas.
Suzie is an OLT Tutor, Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist and Supervisor.
supervisor and trainer. Amanda has a small private practice. Amanda worked for 4 years as Clinical Director at Youthreach in Greenwich. She also initiated the Onside Project in Medway, where she coordinated all therapeutic services for Children and Young people within the area. Amanda also lectured in Counselling at Lewisham College, London. Amanda currently works as the Senior Manager, Emotional Support Services within the RNIB, which is currently building an online service, and is Immediate Past Chair of BACP. In May 2014 Amanda was voted on as Secretary to the International Association of Counselling and has an informed overview of how Online Therapy is developing across the world.
is will be the third in our series “The internet and me” in collaboration with onlinevents.
onlinetrainingforcounsellors 