Working Online from Home – Gill Jones

Working Online from Home

Some of the challenges

This blog is addressed to all counsellors who use their computer to work from home whet
her they are meeting clients online or face to face. I began my counselling career working face to face first in an agency, then at home. Once I was working solely from home I found it difficult to feel that my working day had ended when the last client had left – there was no journey time between home and work to collect my thoughts and move from counselling life to home life. It helped to go upstairs and change out of my ‘work’ clothes into something casual but my counselling room held my piano and non-counselling books so the door wasn’t completely shut. In the early days of my 25 years in counselling I carried my clients with me day and night – in my head. I found myself thinking about them at all sorts of odd times. Gradually experience taught me that whilst it was important to think about and process the work I was doing, I could do this in my client notes, then mentally switch off that client until I saw them again when their presence in the room (and my notes) helped me recall the work we had done and were engaged in.

When I began working online in 2001 something else happened and I found it difficult to recall my clients. I had to re-read everything we had both written before writing my reply. This quickly turned an email reply to a client into a major reading project which lasted well over the allotted hour. So, even though there was a complete transcript of the work, I began making notes after each email much as I had done with face to face clients. This helped me recall the clients from my notes and continue the work without re-reading everything that we had written before.  But working online from home brought other challenges – I found myself being available online to clients more or less 18 hours a day, 7 days a week and I never seemed to know when the day’s work was finished.

Have you done any of the following?

• Ended your day at the usual time only to check for client emails later in the evening because you were online again (shopping, or gaming, or skyping relatives in Australia)?
• Noticed a new email enquiry in your Inbox at 11 pm and decided to have a quick look and write a reply there and then? [thinking it would save time in the morning]
• Suddenly realised you had forgotten to add something to your online supermarket order and shelved the client email you were working on to add it whilst you remembered? [giving yourself more work when you went back to the client email, re-reading what you had worked on so far]
• Worked on a client email on a Saturday or Sunday even though your website clearly states that you work Monday – Friday? [to save time again]
• Checked for emails on a Sunday evening to clear the spam out of the way ready for Monday morning and found yourself reading a client email? And even if you decided not to answer it then, you kept thinking about it?

 

I’ve done all these but I’ve become stricter with myself recently.  I set boundaries with email clients

– they know on which day of the week our ‘session’ is (when I will be working on their emails). Live session clients respect that I may be working with another client if they see I am online between sessions and use an email for their ‘quick word’ which I will acknowledge and keep until our next scheduled session.

If I find myself tempted to break these ‘rules’ I challenge myself “face to face clients couldn’t contact me between sessions other than put a message on the office answerphone; why should I treat online clients any differently?

 

Why set boundaries? – my beliefs

• I believe that clear boundary setting and holding is important both for me and my online clients.
• I believe they need time to process what’s happening in the work with me and if I respond earlier than agreed I am not allowing time for this to happen.
• I believe I offer them better therapeutic help if I know when I am working with them and when I am not.
• I believe that being available 18/7 to clients turns me into a relentless treadmill and stops me being the best online counsellor I can.

 

I realise this is my personal way of working and won’t suit everybody – particularly if you are working online with clients in crisis. (I negotiate a time-limited different level of contact with a client who finds themselves in crisis whilst working with me.)

 

What does help?

Have these boundaries solved the problem of switching off from online work? Not completely, if I’m honest. It’s still hard to ignore an email alert that arrives whilst I’m online. Email enquiries generally, galvanise me into replying that day if I possibly can. Curiously, emails from friends and family sit around in my Inbox for days!

 

What also helps is to have as much separation as possible between my online work and leisure activities. Not only do I have separate email programs for work and friends and separate programs (platforms) for webcam or text sessions with clients and friends, I also have a laptop for work, and a tablet for out of work, internet activities. Nowadays I can more or less let go of work each day, leaving it safely inside the laptop and use my tablet for my internet leisure activities.

 

If you have found a way to switch off from work each day, please share it here. Gill Jones

Email: gilljones@olt4c.co.uk

internet and me – the online therapeutic relationship

A picture paints a thousand words by Gill Webb

You will be familiar with the adage ‘a picture paints a thousand words’ but I wonder how many of you trust yourselves to let the picture do the talking when working with online clients.

For some time now I have been toying with the idea of using images both paintings and photographs rather than using the language of metaphors to express thoughts and ideas which may be helpful to clients.

With the advent of smartphones it is becoming commonplace for people to take pictures of their experiences and to share them instantly with friends and family with little or no explanation and for the pictures to hold meaning for those receiving them, so I ask myself what stops me from making greater use of them in my work?

During OLT’s General course students are asked to choose a metaphor or image of themselves as an online counsellor and because I choose to include an image to illustrate my written description students have often followed suit and their choice of images have so accurately reflected their written word that it has demonstrated for me time and again how powerful pictures can be in transmitting not only ideas but also feelings.

I have chosen to focus on this theme now because I want to take this opportunity to wish you all a Merry Christmas and all the best for 2016 and to share with you the Christmas card I have designed for 2015.

Every year we each send and receive many cards and I often wonder how much time is given to reflecting on the images and the words contained in them. I guess all of us know those for whom sending and receiving cards is important and those for whom it is not.

If you have time take a few minutes to look at my card and ask yourself what meaning this picture has for you. Perhaps all you see is a wintery scene with three bells and a Christmas message.

 

For me it holds so much more. The scene is actually the view from my garden and the bell shapes have been cut out from a photo I took of a stained glass window you may recognise if you have visited Ely Cathedral. (I wonder if knowing the background of the picture makes a difference to the way you now look at it) Perhaps you have become a little curious and are wondering what the significance may be.

It has become so easy to lose the spiritual meaning of Christmas. By including the three bells and the stained glass images taken from Ely Cathedral I am able to acknowledge in my own way why this time of year is important to me, whilst at the same time allowing those who receive the card the freedom to read into the greeting what is important for them.

So I will leave you with this thought. Will the recipients notice the graphics or will it be the words that matter, perhaps neither? What may matter to them is that they have been remembered and are being thought about and how life changing that can be!

With heartfelt wishes to you all and to those for whom you care,

Gill Webb

Online counselling on Malta – Anne Stokes

I’ve just come back from Malta and taking part in the annual conference of the Malta Association for the Counselling Profession (MACP).  On Thursday and Friday evenings my inputs concerned e-counselling, while on Saturday I led the day on ‘Setting up in Independent Practice’.

This is the fourth time I’ve visited the island; the first three visits were to teach on the Master’s programme in the university.  Online counselling has very little presence within Malta with the possible exception of Kellimni.com which provides free anonymous online support for young people.  I visited Kellimni.com’s physical home some years ago when it was in its early days and was delighted to make contact with two of its current staff on this visit. It was good to know that they are still in existence. One of the ‘hot topics’ we discussed concerned the issues which arise when working with young people online, whether offering support or counselling.

The day on Independent Practice was opened by the President of Malta, Marie Louise Coleiro Preca. As Minister for the Family and Social Solidarity, she worked with MACP and was extremely influential in bringing into being the Counselling Bill which was enacted in March of this year. The UK hasn’t got there yet!

The President had spent the previous two days in the Heads of Government Summit on Migration in Valletta. Security on the island was high. My hotel was actually changed the day before I left the UK! I was due to be in a hotel nearby the Parliament building and it was realised that I’d never get in and out of Valletta to the conference venues. So I was moved up the coast to a resort hotel with 5 swimming pools – as the weather was superb, I made good use of one of the outside ones! Can’t be bad.

I think what always stays with me after time in Malta is the huge energy within the counselling profession. It’s alive, forward looking and innovative, despite being located in a fairly traditional culture. And the other thing is the kindness and generosity of everyone I meet there.  I am already looking forward to my next visit – whenever that will be.

The beginning of the academic year – by Maria O’Brien

Recently I was reminded of a promise I’d made to offer my thoughts for this month’s blog. As it’s my first time in this arena I wondered about my choice of topic, would I focus on academia or stay with my love of experience?  Or in the words of a person I admire greatly “Does it have to be one or the other” a question I still haven’t answered J

Like many of you I’m experiencing the transition from summer into Autumn/Winter and the beginning of the academic year.

A short while ago I had the opportunity to observe young children parents in tow, making their way to what was for some the first day of school. Their pristine uniforms, shiny shoes and new schoolbag’s    were compared and excitedly discussed!

“I’m ready to learn all the lessons the teacher will teach us” was one of the comments I overheard just as excitement turned to uncertainty about stepping into the unknown.

Watching and listening to these children reminded me of my personal journeys within organised educational environments, the majority of which I was chaperoned (and paralyzed) by feelings of nervousness, uncertainty and self-doubt, some of you may recognise these as comrades on your own training adventures!

Developing an antidote to these imposters has taken time, patience and understanding of the components necessary for my learning. As an online therapist, supervisor and trainer my tools for study are similar to those of the children I observed. I have a few pairs of shiny shoes, many bags and items of clothing but above all a dedication to ensuring I provide an environment which is warm, active and engaging from which clients, supervisees and students can learn.

At OLT this passion is shared with all members of the management and tutorial team. Whilst there are changes ahead both the current and future Directors of will strive to ensure these values remain solid.

As readers you’re likely to have noticed and borne witness to my transition into the world of online blogging, I thank you for your company  and welcome any questions/ feedback you may wish to offer.

Maria.

Breaking news! Please read!

Gill and Anne decided last March that they would like to retire as directors of OLT from the end of March 2016. The company has grown so much over the last 15 years and we have enjoyed being in the ever changing world of online counselling. The next few years will no doubt bring changes and revolutions in the practice of online therapy and training, so we had to decide whether to stay and be part of this for another decade, or choose to move over while still thoroughly revelling in this ever expanding arena. We have gone for the latter choice.

We are delighted to tell you that three of the tutor team are buying the company and will take over from the end of March 2016.   Liane Collins, Suzie Mosson and Maria O’Brien will be the new owners and we will work with them to ensure a smooth handover both up till March and for a little while afterwards.

The ethos and values will remain the same, and we have invited the new team to say a little about their vision in this announcement.

Smiling at Anne & Gills use of the word “vision” as this was our pivotal word when looking forward. J

We are thrilled to have been entrusted with this opportunity.  Our aim is to maintain and develop the standards and integrity of OLT, in accordance with the ever-changing legal and ethical principles of teaching and learning within online counselling and supervisory practice.   We are fortunate to have such a strong framework of courses and the support of the brilliant team to ensure strong personal and professional working relationships one expects from OLT

As people, counsellors, tutors and directors, we will strive to always do the best – and be the best – we can.

expectations – a case study by Jane Hallett

EXPECTATIONS

My client’s initial contact with me met my expectations. An email requesting a F2F meeting and outlining the issues she wished to explore. In her mail however she explained that she worked abroad for many months of the year and would consider continuing via online counselling. We had three F2F sessions, a fortnight apart and then a week apart, and established a useful working alliance.  At this point my client was returning overseas and we agreed that she would contact me once settled into her role abroad.

So I waited. And I waited.

decided that I was mistaken and that my client and I had not established a useful working alliance. And then out of the ether appeared a mail in July  – more than four months later!   My client requested a counselling session soon and queried whether she should pay for the session before or after receipt.

I was pleased to be back in contact and promptly (next day) responded with all the necessary details for us to work online together, including that payment would be required before a response would be sent, which I called a framework. Silence again for another month then the first email from my client arrived.  Hard on its heels arrived payment.  I acknowledged receipt. The next day a second, short mail arrived.  Ironically my email developed a malfunction and I was unable to respond until a day after out agreement.  I was able to let the client know of the problem and indeed send my response only 24 hours late. Additionally I stated that I would not charge for the exchange as I had been unable to keep to the contracted arrangement. I looked forward to the clients response.

So I waited. And I waited. For nearly four months!

And then out of the ether appeared a second mail in late Nov  – nearly three months later. In addition it gave dates when my client would be back in the UK and requested a F2F appointment. I responded promptly identifying a F2F appointment time within the constraints the client had explained and offering empathy regarding the developments in her situation.  At the time of writing I was intending to respond more fully within the terms of our contract.  However when it came to it, I couldn’t do so.  The clients second mail updated me regarding what had happened in the preceding six months.  There was no reference to my response to her first mail, beyond a thank you.  When I tried to write I found myself wondering about the point as my client appeared to write with no thought to a dialogue.  I delayed in the expectation that my feeling would change.  It did not, however.  I did not respond.

The date of our F2F meeting loomed.  In my mind I was clear that we needed to speak about the frequency of online contact as in my experience the alliance  needs to be nourished if it is to survive,let alone develop.  Further I needed/wanted to speak with my client about the content of exchanges. Ten minutes into the allotted session time I texted my client who had not arrived.  I received no response.  Six days later I emailed the client expressing my surprise at her non attendance and concern that nothing serious prevented her attending.

Hello ?, I hope all is well with you and I’m sorry you were unable to keep our appointment last Wednesday.  I texted you at the time but received no response. Inevitably I wonder what is behind your non attendance. I am aware that your partner was joining you the following week. Had you kept our appointment I would have made no charge (to compensate for the first mail) and discussed with you the nature of our work together. The later is significant as I am unsure as to the usefulness of contact with large time gaps.  Counselling is all about building a relationship and to do that we have to be in contact.  I hope this makes sense to you.  As you did not attend (I charge for non attendance) we are now neither of us in the other’s debt. I hope very much that your partner goes ahead in seeking help with regard to his issue. I think your experience of feeling ready to walk away (had he not agreed to seek treatment) fully understandable.  I hope you can be compassionate to yourself regarding this feeling; it is not uncommon on a situation similar to your own and an ultimatum can be the only way.  Having not heard from you since ? I imagine you have decided to end your counselling. I apologise if I have done something to cause this decision.  If you wish to continue, with more contact between us, then I am happy to do so after discussing fully together how the contact I refer to works.  I’m sure your aunt (a counsellor!) will be able also to explain this to you.  Kind regards,

 

A few days later I received an email response assuring me I had done nothing wrong. Relief.  Quite reasonably the client expressed the desire to think about whether or not she could commit to further counselling.  I responded acknowledging the appropriateness of this.

So I am waiting.  I am waiting. To date …………………….

This experience caused me to wonder about the setting of expectations.  Naturally they are set by our experience.  So far my experience of online counselling is that of clients regularly writing a mail each week.  Neither have I read anything about clients who contact infrequently. How can this behaviour be understood?

Well possible explanations:

– the client is perhaps ambivalent with regard to counselling.

– the client is ignorant as to the nature of online counselling.

– the behaviour is the online equivalent of the client who simply talk and talk in sessions ‘dumping’ their stuff on/with the counsellor.

– I, the counsellor, am simply ignorant of the vicissitudes of this client’s professional role.

What do you think?

Couple Connection, Cyberstyle – by Suzie Mosson

These voices are sharing some of the themes that we talk about in relationship counselling. They aren’t real clients but the issues brought are common openers, the last straw that tells the couple it’s time to seek help.

Working online by email can be a really effective way of getting to the bottom of issues and allowing couples to feel really heard. Text can be accessed long after the counselling has ended and rather than finding time to travel to see a relationship counsellor (with the additional caring responsibilities which often need to be covered) it can be like the counsellor is there in your home.  I find couples engage well with the written word and of course, if one of you is working away from home it may be the only option.

By inviting both partners to write separately with their issues and concerns they have the chance to be completely honest. This snapshot may give you the general idea.

Sam writes:

“I’m so sad. My partner just doesn’t see how unhappy I am and just carries on as normal where all I want to do is curl up & cry. Why can Taylor not see I need more from this relationship than work, TV & Saturday night at the club?”

Taylor writes:

“We have no intimacy. Sex is a swear word and I feel I’m being frozen out of not only the bed but the relationship. I could manage without the sex but hate feeling unloved, even though I am told so often I am. I don’t know where to go from here but I can’t stand much more.”

Sam & Taylor identify different issues and it’s my job to gently bring them into the counselling arena by responding to each of them in a series of single emails to them both. Couples in strong relationships have good communication; it’s pretty much the bottom line and Sam really needs Taylor to know the sadness felt. Lack of intimacy in a relationship is often so much more complex & challenging than lack of sexual intercourse and there is a sense Taylor realises that but feels Sam doesn’t.

By engaging with therapeutic emails Sam & Taylor have the chance to express hidden emotions and see the hard work each of them are willing to put in. They have time to reflect on both what they want to write and on the responses given. There is also the security of knowing their confidential writings are safely encrypted whilst important; life changing decisions are planned & made.

OLT Ltd training is designed for qualified counsellors and psychotherapists who are planning to add online counselling to their practice, Our general certificate courses start several times a year and if your workplace would like you to train with a group of your colleagues we are delighted to offer additional courses out with those in the diary. To find out more check out onlinetrainingforcounsellors.co.uk or drop us a line.

Suzie is an OLT Tutor, Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist and Supervisor. Her independent practice can be accessed here.  

Jacqui Atkinson – on being the OLT campus counsellor

Hello, it is my privilege to be the online counsellor for OLT. Students can have five sessions online with me paid for by OLT. They can chose which way we work, email, skype instant messaging or skype video. Some students choose to try a mix as we work so that they can experience the differences and similarities. One of the key differences when we work is that the pace can be variable, there are not set times and deadlines as there are with the course tasks.

When I was a student with OLT I decided to have some counselling online so that I could ‘feel’ what it was really like versus the role-plays of coursework. As I worked with my counsellor I was able to access something from childhood that had not emerged in face to face counselling. That was wonderful – I was hooked. This has led me to here as part of my work nowadays.

As I feel sure you know when as adults we go back into a learning situation we can feel very de-skilled and vulnerable. Past ‘stuff’ comes up just when we don’t want it to as we are so busy with the demands of the course on top of the rest of our lives. This coupled with the challenges of the course tasks and portfolio can seem overwhelming.

Working with students in this place, being alongside them when they feel for example ‘I cannot do this’, ‘I’m not good enough’ and helping them to regain their confidence is very rewarding.

I work in an integrative way, and love exploring the different ways each client likes to work, using visualisations, drawings, pictures metaphors as appropriate. Gestalt two chair work can be very effective online too. It is lovely when we end our work to have students say they are now more grounded and have gained new insights through our work. One even went as far as to say ‘I have had lots of f2f counselling but this has been the only counselling that has really helped’. For some the five sessions is enough, others choose to continue working with me and paying privately.

As a firm believer that to be able to work with others effectively we need to look after ourselves, self-care is often central to our work which of course is confidential. The only time I give any information to course leaders is when YOU ask me to confirm how many sessions we have had for your portfolio.

Warm wishes

Jacqui

The Internet and Me: The Changing World and How Online Counselling Fits Into This New International Arena – Amanda Hawkins

Amanda started counselling work in 1996 and since then has have worked in a variety of organisational and community settings as a counsellor, supervisor and trainer. Amanda has a small private practice. Amanda worked for 4 years as Clinical Director at Youthreach in Greenwich. She also initiated the Onside Project in Medway, where she coordinated all therapeutic services for Children and Young people within the area. Amanda also lectured in Counselling at Lewisham College, London. Amanda currently works as the Senior Manager, Emotional Support Services within the RNIB, which is currently building an online service, and is Immediate Past Chair of BACP. In May 2014 Amanda was voted on as Secretary to the International Association of Counselling and has an informed overview of how Online Therapy is developing across the world.

Amanda will talk about how she sees that Online Therapy will impact within a global village context and why this is important for therapists in the UK, both in terms of employment and also ethical considerations.

 

This will be the third in our series “The internet and me” in collaboration with onlinevents.

Click here to reserve your free ticket.

 

Join the Twitter discussion about this series. Use #OnlineOLT