These voices are sharing some of the themes that we talk about in relationship counselling. They aren’t real clients but the issues brought are common openers, the last straw that tells the couple it’s time to seek help.
Working online by email can be a really effective way of getting to the bottom of issues and allowing couples to feel really heard. Text can be accessed long after the counselling has ended and rather than finding time to travel to see a relationship counsellor (with the additional caring responsibilities which often need to be covered) it can be like the counsellor is there in your home. I find couples engage well with the written word and of course, if one of you is working away from home it may be the only option.
By inviting both partners to write separately with their issues and concerns they have the chance to be completely honest. This snapshot may give you the general idea.
Sam writes:
“I’m so sad. My partner just doesn’t see how unhappy I am and just carries on as normal where all I want to do is curl up & cry. Why can Taylor not see I need more from this relationship than work, TV & Saturday night at the club?”
Taylor writes:
“We have no intimacy. Sex is a swear word and I feel I’m being frozen out of not only the bed but the relationship. I could manage without the sex but hate feeling unloved, even though I am told so often I am. I don’t know where to go from here but I can’t stand much more.”
Sam & Taylor identify different issues and it’s my job to gently bring them into the counselling arena by responding to each of them in a series of single emails to them both. Couples in strong relationships have good communication; it’s pretty much the bottom line and Sam really needs Taylor to know the sadness felt. Lack of intimacy in a relationship is often so much 
more complex & challenging than lack of sexual intercourse and there is a sense Taylor realises that but feels Sam doesn’t.
By engaging with therapeutic emails Sam & Taylor have the chance to express hidden emotions and see the hard work each of them are willing to put in. They have time to reflect on both what they want to write and on the responses given. There is also the security of knowing their confidential writings are safely encrypted whilst important; life changing decisions are planned & made.
OLT Ltd training is designed for qualified counsellors and psychotherapists who are planning to add online counselling to their practice, Our general certificate courses start several times a year and if your workplace would like you to train with a group of your colleagues we are delighted to offer additional courses out with those in the diary. To find out more check out onlinetrainingforcounsellors.co.uk or drop us a line.
Suzie is an OLT Tutor, Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist and Supervisor. Her independent practice can be accessed here.
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